"Onions" And "A Christmas tree"

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father, surprised, answers,
"Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's
breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are
like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like
onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them, and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how many
types of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
"Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie
is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it's like
a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a
Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree??"

"Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."